Sunday, June 22, 2008

The Decline Of Man And The End Of The Chocolate War.

Ever have one of those days where everything unfolds around you like a film? I had that today. I had the unfortunate luck to bear witness to 2 separate incidents while out in the Web Wide World that just made me (once again) question what the hell is wrong with people these days.

Now before I rant on about this I must prologue it by saying "I live in Ringwood, Melbourne, Victoria". After reading this rant most things will make perfect sense to anyone in Melbourne who is familiar with the "suburban ranking" of Ringwood as it compares to the rest of Melbourne. For those not in Melbourne here is a quick comparison. If you're familiar with Brisbane, then Ringwood is the demented cousin of Logan, they're both places you would only visit in the day time (and even then only because you were probably lost) and certainly wouldn't be out after dark here. For those familiar with Adelaide, try and imagine a suburb with all the appeal of Smithfield, Munno Para and Port Adelaide all rolled into one suburb with 3x the people, crime and ass-hats.

Incident No. 1: I went to do the weekly grocery shopping at "Eastland" this week, simply because, for a change, it was raining in Melbourne. Eastland is a 95% chance of parking undercover out of the weather where as the other mega-mall-shop-a-rama possibility is "Knox" which is only about a 30% chance of finding parking under cover AND in a section of the car park where your car is still likely to be there when you come back. Anyway, I parked my car in a spot I realised I park in pretty much whenever I go to get "Worlds Best Butter Chicken" on Fridays for lunch from the food court here. While i'm parking up I notice a small group of feral skateboard emo-teenagers close-by having a chat with some old guy next to a rather expensive looking Mercedes Benz (well over $100,000 worth of car). I watched as the old guy starts gesticulating wildly at these kids then pulls out his phone and starts taking photo's of them. Well, one of the kids without warning cracks the guy in the side of the head with his skate board and lays him out cold on the ground. He grabs the guys phone and wallet and the 3 of them then start smashing their skateboards into the guys car denting the hell out of it. I jump out of my car and shout at them and start running over. True to their cowardly form they run off leaving the old guy sprawled on the ground. I get to the old guy and see if he's ok, he's conscious and knows who and where he is....good start. I ask him if he knew who those kids were? He says "Yeah, 2 of them are my sons". He didn't want me to report it to the police and thanked me for the help and then he just drove off.


Incident No.2: I did my shopping and was pushing my trolley back through the mall towards the car park. As i'm walking along I notice a rather frail looking old lady standing by herself looking a bit bewildered. I went and asked her if she was ok, she said she was but she was a bit lost. She was looking for a credit union ATM (Rediteller) and was a bit disorientated by all the people. I told her I was going past it and could show her the way. She agreed this was a good idea and commented on what a lovely man I was (Like I don't hear that everyday anyway :)).We get to the ATM and she's fiddling in her bag for her purse and card. I say "bye" and walk 5m away to Bakers Delight to get some lunch (I'm sure the vegemite scrolls are at least 5% crack!). So, I order my stuff and casually glance back over to the ATM and the old lady and she's lying on the ground and another emo-looking teenager is running away from her and he's got her bag. Thankfully some one infront of the would-be thief saw what happened and clothes lined the kid as he ran past him. The kid slid along the polished floor about 10m, dropping the bag and staggered out of the mall into the outside world as fast as his winded body would take him. The guy who did the vigalante clothes lining picked up the bag and returned it to the old lady.

Serioulsy Ringwood teenagers .... what the fuck is wrong with you??

In slightly happier news...

Those of you in the know would remember that my place of employment is directly opposite the Cadbury Chocolate Factory :). A few months ago I was invited to partake in a "Chocolate Raid" held every so often by one of the guys at work. Basically, this means you can go into the factory and buy ridiculous amounts of chocolate for a pittance. Well, I bought about 23 kg's of cadbury chocolate for the paltry sum of $28. It consisted of 10Kg's of Nougat Honey Logs, 10Kg's of CHOMP's 5 blocks of chocolate, 3 huge Easter egss etc.

Well, today the war is over. The remaining chocolate was removed from my house and destroyed. I couldn't bear to look at it anymore. I am so totally over chocolate now that it hardly interests me at all. I also gave so much of that 23Kg's away that it would make a normal person question my sanity, but honestly, if you (or someone you know) has a raging chocolate them 23KG's of chocolate and give it to them. They will be so tired of eating chocolate that their addiction will be broken. Please note that this approach doesn't work for all addictions however, I have given Rachel the equivalent of 23Kg's of Scrabulous games.....and she still comes back for more.

Also, tonight I am having Chicken enchilada's for dinner!!!! :)
I am so pumped and excited.

1 comment:

Rachel said...

Gee, why would someone CHOOSE to live in Melbourne?! I just don't get it.
But some good news for you. Despite the gloomy nature of your post, you have officially qualified as third funniest - no wait, maybe second funniest - blog I read.
Of course, any blog in which both Scrabulous and I get mentioned by name is going to rate pretty highly with me.